The Secret to Winning All the Time!

I like to win! I have always been that way; whether at a sport, a table game, a debate or the big game of LIFE. I love to win, though I am not the competitive type. It’s exhilarating and I don’t think there is anything wrong with that. We were created to WIN!

Years ago I made a decision. For every blow I would face in my life I would get better! For every person who hates me I would get better! For every person who hurts me I would get better! Every person who loves me I would be grateful to them for making me better! Every person who helps me would make me better! Every person who ignores me would help me get better! I simply stopped having bad and good moments, experiencing ups and downs, and accidents. I have used that principle with many of the people I have coached through the years. And you know what? IT WORKS!

Here are the foundational thoughts behind the secret to winning all the time:

1. There are four kinds of people in this world:

Good people: they have a good heart, connect with people, help people connect, and have a good character.
Bad people: they have a bad heart, they are malicious, consistently contemptuous, fragment relationships, hurt others and lack character.
Irregular people: they have a good heart, lack experience, they make mistakes, display human flaws that bother people and commit HUMAN ACCIDENTS not intended maliciously. So every one, at one time or another is in this category.
Great people are good people with an extra edge of wisdom, honesty and they serve as spiritual mentors of society.

I decided I wanted to be good and great and I also accepted that at times, (more often than I care to admit) I would, by default, be irregular.

2.Reflecting on my grid I realize that the core issue in the four types is the heart. That simplified matters for me. Good heart and bad heart! The heart is the core of who I am. The heart is about motivations, intentions, choices, my ability to grow and change for the sake of others and myself, and the management of other people’s choices. The heart is ultimately about character (choice and values) and authentic love.

3.This grid allows me to make choices and depending on my choice it potentially makes me a WINNER every time! Whether bad people hurt me or good people love me I am always on the wining side. Why? Because I am committed to getting better. So even though, someone may hurt me, my strategy works. How do I handle a hurt so I can become better as a person? Sometimes the answer is: endure! Some others times the answer is: stay away! Some other times the answer is: give it time! Irregular people require my love and grace and that moves me out of my selfish mode. That makes me better! Great people mentor me because they are better than me, so that makes me better! You see? I am always on the winning team! It’s the best deal I could have EVER worked out with LIFE!

4.By using this principle I don’t need to use God to bang people over the head. I don’t need to use the guilt principle to get people to respond. I don’t need to respond negatively. I can treat bad people with dignity while choosing to stay away from them. I don’t need to avenge myself for the wrongs done against me. I can stay calm. I am in control. I don’t EVER need to be a victim. I am not the loser. I don’t need to be angry at people. Why? Because they don’t determine the outcome of my life. I am always a winner because I choose to get better! That’s a pretty cool deal. Don’t you think so? Who doesn’t want to be a winner ALL the time? I play this little game in my head whenever I face a situation and walk away feeling good about myself and the other person. You know what I have found out? Even under extremely stressful circumstances the person I am dealing with unconsciously knows I am in control and most of the time they end up treating me well. It’s amazing!

5.This grid works also for my mistakes and the random situations I face in life. All of them! I have tested this for years. Good, bad, small, great. You see, that’s all a part of the learning curve! Since I am always getting better, I deal with my own mistakes, “sins” and bad staff from myself the same way. No need to hide, no need to lie, no need to cover up, no need to justify, no need to resent consequences, no need to regret the past. I can embrace the past freely because all of it made me better by my own choice. People’s responses to my mistakes and mishaps brings them back to my people grid and they always fall into one or more of those four categories. Life circumstances? I can celebrate or grieve, hurt in a healthy way and get better at the level of my heart. A big loss? Get better! A small loss? Learn from it and move on! Get better every time! You see, how simple it is?

6.This principle has everything to do with God and relationships and nothing to do with religion. It’s a simple strategy to have a better life! It has everything to do with God because it’s repeated over and over again all over the Bible. And for those that feel I am badmouthing religion I recommend a simple reading of the book of Ecclesiastes. It’s the most unreligious book of the Bible. Things are not as clear as church and religion attempt to define them for us!

7.Why do I like this strategy? Because it allows me to choose unlimited growth all the way to the day I die. It gives me the ability to choose for my own benefit ALL the time. I know it sounds selfish! But, you see, I believe we are on this earth to grow and heal relationships as we walk into eternity. I really do! I do both (grow/change and heal my relationship with God, myself and people) all day long. It has become a fascinating journey. No money, no trip, no resort, no luxury, no power, no fame, no promises of any kind could ever equate to the freedom and the fun of walking like a winner all the time! After all, it’s a state of mind and it translates into REAL results! I like results! It’s like winning! It’s better than any energy drink I know! We should create a different kind of “Starbucks” all over the world to “caffeinate” society with a winning attitude! The catch is a choice: Do you choose to get better every single time? What do you think?

Kay Yow, College Basketball Coach said it well: “When life kicks you, let it kick you forward.”